I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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