I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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