The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
