Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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