What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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