just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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