That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
