Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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