Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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