last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
