His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
