Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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