I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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