How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
