Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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