you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize