I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
