guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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