Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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