i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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