According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
