Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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