I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize