Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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