I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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