I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
