I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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