apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
