After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
