life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
