I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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