my vag is so smooth its legendary
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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