i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
