I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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