I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am one with the molecules
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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