someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
