maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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