he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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