We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
