three words: i give head
three words: not that well
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
