Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
