im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Vodka?
Forever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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