her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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