Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
