i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize