you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
