I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
