I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
