I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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