Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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