Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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