we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
