Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
