i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
