shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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