you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The power of my boobs compel you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
