Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
