I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
