chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
