; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
