She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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