Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
