Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
