Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
